Time, Time, Never Enough..

Incredible....the last time I wrote, I was dying to get my hands on Tau, and was expecting to wind up writing hundreds of blog entries about our time together. Instead, I just completely avoided blogging and was spending every second I could wrapped up in him, trying to pretend that the day wouldn't come when he'd have to leave.

Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. And he's gone, now. And I miss him like crazy.

At first...there was a lack of the sexual. At first, it was just the inability to hold, kiss, and sleep next to him that ate me alive.

That lasted all of two days.

Now, I keep remembering the feeling of him pressing his sweet, luscious lips to mine, the comfort of one arm around me as his fingers trace over my stomach, between my legs, and start teasing my clit, and the sheer heaven of him shoving himself deep inside of me.

I miss his smell, his taste, his touch.

I miss feeling his entire hand inside of me as I squirm and moan and beg for more.

But most of all, more than anything.....I miss making love to him for hours in the early morning twilight, giggling softly to eachother as we make silly noises, whispering soft "ohhhh"s, "mmmm"s and "I love you"s as we try to move slowly to avoid waking DragonFlyy...and then....I miss him falling over beside me, spent from his pounding, as he looks at me and smiles his quirky grin and says "I love you", then curls up beside me, his head on my shoulder as he falls asleep.

I miss....you, my love. More than words could ever say.

Soon....

So, I haven't written in several weeks, with relatively good reason. My libido has been at war with itself, it would seem.

Part of it is dying to ravage Tau's body, whereas the other part is just so damn tired of the distance.

It was almost six years ago the first time I had phone sex. I love the feeling of sliding my hand over my breasts, down my stomach, and in between my thighs as my 'lover' whispers how badly he wants to touch me; taste me; fill me.

Honestly, there have been many times I'd have taken my hand, my vibrator, and a sexy voice over the real thing.

But with him? It just doesn't cut it.

Don't get me wrong...when it comes to phone / Skype sex, he is by far the best yet. I cum, and cum, and cum some more under his orders. I have never felt anything quite so wonderful as the mental love we make.

Nor have I ever felt anything quite so painful as the longing to truly be in his arms.

I consider myself a professional at long-distance relationships. They have formed the better part of my love life since I was 13 years old. Even DragonFlyy, who I've lived with since I was 16, started out long distance.

I'm good at distance. It sucks, but it doesn't bother me too badly.

The worst, until now, was my ex-girlfriend / best friend, Muffin. We were best friends for four years before we finally met this past September, and while the distance always sucked, when she pulled out of my driveway, as hard as I tried, I could not stop sobbing hysterically. For months, it was excruciatingly painful until I got to a point that I just blocked it out and pulled away from her. (Note: She doesn't know that's why I pulled away, and I'll probably never admit it.)

But I can't pull away from him.....he and I don't have years of history and understanding like Muffin & I do. If I pull away from him -- it means losing him.

And so, for months, I've felt the greatest sense of longing that I have ever known. And I admit, in a way, it feels like it would never end.

But it's ending. In less than 24 hours, he'll be in my arms.

Finally, I can start writing about the good stuff.

Unbearable

I watch your eyes

those crystaline orbs

gazing at me

and yet

seeing
nothing
but black

you glance at me and smile

when I say

"I love you"

those delicate golden wisps

flutter down softly

seeming close enough to touch my cheek

and yet feeling so far

it brings tears to my eyes

the ache in my heart is suddenly

unbearable



I watch your lips

soft, delicous

begging for my kiss

you kiss me
the only way you can

and I in turn

kiss back

my hand
a poor substitute for the most

luscious mouth in existence



you are so close

so far

my body is electrified

as if you were standing beside me

it is screaming for your touch

as though your hands were a hairs breath away

the aching in my womb

only surpassed by the

unbearable

ache of my heart



I gaze longingly at your pale skin

desire is breathing it's kiss into me

like a prayer



my chest is tight

rising and falling slowly

like the tides lapping at the shore

like your tongue will be lapping...

and no, I dare not think that thought

because that will make it worse

but it's already

unbearable


this longing to touch

to taste

to smell

to breathe

to feel


the desire to feel you filling me

making me whole

but more than this

the desire to hold you close

is

unbearable


soon you say

but it will never be soon enough

you are my heaven

without you I'm in hell


I breathe your name

slowly

and say

"I'll wait"

but the ache behind my eyes

in my core

in my heart

screams that my longing

my waiting

my patience

is unbearable